A "cult figure" is a person whose image has become a symbol which transcends the meaning of the original image. The best way to describe them is as an "in joke" taken way too far. Every year the cult figure selection committee would choose a person to become the Cult Figure of the Year. Then, we would make a bunch of stuff with this person's face on it. Usually the person is selected because of the comical expression on his or her face, not because we have anything against them. Readers are asked to send in their own interpretation of the cult figure as well. Cult figures are usually just ordinary people who are not famous in any way (until we make them temporarily famous).
His name isn't really Steve, it's William, but there are a million Williams in this world.
He believes that his uncle tried to kill him when he was ten by telling him to lie down with his head in an oven. Someone came home and his uncle got scared and took him outside. This was the first of many attempts on his life.
He moved to Canada when he was fourteen and was almost killed working in a dry-cleaning shop when his head was caught in the door of a machine.
He tried to join the Canadian Army at the age of fifteen, but he was caught and kicked out.
His family moved back to the USA and he joined the US Army at the age of sixteen. He got to the Philippines just in time for the end of World War II.
He fought in the Korean War for two years, but was never injured. He was almost killed in a bunker when a machine gun went off while one of his men was cleaning it. He believes it was not an accident.
He served in Germany for several years and was kicked out of the army for returning to base late one night. He thinks they wanted to get rid of him so they made a big deal out of an incident that was only minor. He is disillusioned with patriotism now, and regrets ever having joined up. "Here I was fighting communists in Korea when there are communists in America who are allowed to be there. It's a lot of bullshit."
He divorced his wife after he got out of the army in the 60's because she was unfaithful.
He went out to Los Angeles in the 70's to find work, but he ended up homeless and penniless without any way to get home. He hitchhiked around California and eventually his daughter wired him some money for a bus ticket. He spent three days on a bus without any food, and was extremely grateful for a tangerine that was given to him by another passenger.
He was a maintenance man for an apartment building (that was when this picture was taken) in the 80's, but lost his job.
He worked as a cab driver for a while but quit when he was robbed at gun point.
He worked in my dad's newsstand and he earned $50 a day, but he gambled between $30 and $60 on lottery tickets. Every day he would swear that he was going to quit or cut down. Whenever he won any money, he always played more until he lost it all back. Even though he doesn't work any more, he still gambles beyond his means and is forced to borrow from people to keep playing.
One of his daughters is an actress and country singer, and she has appeared at the Grand Ole Opry, as well as on several television series. He takes a great deal of pride in her, and has a whole envelope full of magazine clippings about her.
He gets a pension from the army that pays for his rent, and any other money he has is gambled away. His only coat is a thin windbreaker he got while he was a cab driver, when a guy couldn't pay his fare. He only has one pair of shoes, which are cheap sneakers. He refuses all gifts of clothing from us because he doesn't like to feel like he owes anyone anything.
He refuses to eat in restaurants because he fears that people are trying to poison him. He only eats canned food or food on a buffet, because that way he can pick the food he wants.
He always brought us coffee on days when he wasn't working, and he was always eager to do us a favor. He was pleasant to work with, although his paranoia did act up once in a while. He always thought people were thieves or con men.
Whenever he wins any money in the lottery, he gives the lottery place a tip, sometimes $50.
He is afraid of doctors and hasn't been to one since the 60's. He believes they will try to kill him because he has a mark on his forehead which makes him a "marked man." He won't go to dentists either, and he pulls his own teeth with pliers. He only has four teeth left.
He goes to the Casinos once a week and plays the slot machines, sometimes losing upwards of $200 in an afternoon. He swears that they can control which machines pay off, and he believes that if he pesters them they will let him win because "the squeaky wheel gets the grease." He keeps trying to contact a man named Gomez, whose name appears printed on the form letters that he gets from the casino.
Steve used to like to pick up lonely old ladies at the casino and have sex with them. Usually he claimed that they were the aggressors in the relationships, despite the fact that he has no teeth. He said that he doesn't do it much anymore because he's got some sort of "problem with my pecker" that has rendered intercourse as well as urination painful. I didn't press him for details about this.
Steve's old roommate was truly an offensive man. His name was Irv and he didn't like to bathe too often. Steve said that Irv used to come home from work, take off his socks and put them on the oven to dry them off, making the whole place smell like his feet in the process "and his feet really stank!" insists Steve, who isn't exactly "Mr. Hygiene" himself.
Irv liked to call phone sex lines. Steve said there were hundreds of dollars worth of these calls every month. One time Irv fell asleep during one of these phone calls and it cost him around $300.
Once, Steve caught Irv having sex with a fuzzy rug that they had in the living room, and Steve threw it out the next day. Irv flew into a rage and demanded that Steve get the rug out of the dumpster.
