The Dryer Saga

The tale of the cursed appliance

When Mary and her ex-husband Mike moved into this house, the circa 1970 Maytag clothes dryer didn't work. Being a handy kind of guy, Mike decided that the motor was dirty, so he went out and got some motor cleaning solvent spray for it. As he sprayed the motor, the nearby water heater kicked on, causing a flash fire of the solvent fumes (oddly similar to the warning label on this and every other water heater). Mike's legs were set on fire! Mary rushed him to the hospital; the whole time his legs had to be kept wet or the skin would peel off in sheets. This was the first sign of what was to come.

After that, they got a professional to fix it; the dryer worked for a time, but then it stopped getting hot. They called another professional who told them that it needed a part called a "thermocoupler," which would cost $200. Mike decided to fix it himself, but never did. He moved out some time later, among other reasons, because he became a religious zealot and couldn't stand how unreligious and unpatriotic Mary was.

When I moved in a few months ago, my parents took us to Circuit City to buy us a new dryer as a housewarming gift. We picked out a nice Whirlpool and agreed to wait two weeks for delivery as we couldn't schedule a time to be home. I told the salesman how small the basement door was and he said "no problem."

The day finally came. The delivery truck pulled up outside and the guy came in to make sure the dryer would fit in the house. He looked at the basement door and said, "nope, that dryer ain't getting down there," and told us we'd have to pick one that could be disassembled so it could be taken through the door. We went back to Circuit City and found out that the only dryers they sell that disassemble are Maytags, meaning we'd have to lay out an extra $200, including the cost of reassembly and installation. We decided instead to fix the old one.

We called around for prices, and got a quote of $100. The man came and took a big part of the dryer out, and said he would have to "bench check" it to make sure the valve was OK. He showed up 45 minutes late the next day and installed it, but took it out and said he had to "bench check" it again. He told us that if there was a problem with the valve, we should just get a new dryer, and in fact, he had a nice used Maytag back at the shop if we were interested.

When he came back the next day, he installed the part, said it was fine and left. I checked the pilot to make sure it was lit, and indeed it was, but it was about 2 inches taller than normal. In fact, it would light without pressing the lever that's supposed to ensure that the gas doesn't leak if the pilot goes out. The repair place assured us that this was normal, but the gas company informed us that this was very bad.

We decided to get a new dryer, and found an Amana that could be broken down like the Maytag but was much cheaper. They delivered it into our kitchen on Saturday morning, and we were assured that the installation people would come soon. So we waited. For five hours. The guy finally called and said he had some sort of emergency at a hospital (a dryer emergency?) and that he would send someone the next night.

Jimmy came the next night, right on time. He took the dryer apart, brought it down the stairs and put it back together. He took out the old dryer and moved the new one into its place. Then he realized that the exhaust hose didn't line up any more, and he told me that I had to get a 4" dryer exhaust hose "at any hardware store." Then he realized that he couldn't hook up the gas line because he didn't have the right fittings. "When you get the exhaust hose, get a 1/2 inch to 3/4 inch nipple. You attach it here with some of this thread compound," he told us. He didn't charge us for installation since he couldn't actually install it. Yearning for dry clothes, we went out that night and got what he suggested, only to find that the exhaust hose was too big and that the other end of the gas line wasn't hooked up yet. He also called while we were gone and said that he forgot to install the timer and that he would return the next day and hook everything up for us.

Jimmy returned the next day armed with a plastic exhaust hose, which he hooked up despite the fact that the dryer manual warned that this is a fire hazard. He tried and tried to get the gas line hooked up so it wouldn't leak, but he couldn't, so he took parts off of the old dryer and got it to work that way. Then the dryer wouldn't work. He spent three hours trying to fix a brand new dryer, even drilling holes to move the motor at one point. He finally got it working, but it made a scraping sound. "If it doesn't work, call me," he told us, "so I can get a gun and shoot myself."

The next night we tried to dry some clothes, and despite the scraping sound, it worked for about twenty minutes until it blew a fuse. I changed the fuse and tried again and it blew another fuse. The next day I called the store and complained, and they called the head of the installation company, who agreed to come out two days later and fix it himself.

The guy came four hours late and took the dryer apart, and found out that Jimmy had forgotten to install one of the parts. He stopped the scraping sound and got it to run properly. "Jimmy's not working out," he told me. At last, at last! We have dry clothes! But for how long?

© 1996, Ken B. Miller & Contributors as Listed. | Reproduced from Shouting at the Postman #21, December, 1996 | 11257

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