Much like the Kit Cat article, this article is a work of fiction as well as the result of an overactive imagination and does not reflect the actual goals or policies of the good people at Big Boy Restaurants. "Big Boy" and the Big Boy figure are registered trademarks.
A few months ago, I stopped with some friends at a rest stop along I-95 and we ate at Bob's Big Boy restaurant. On the way out, Mary picked up a Big Boy comic book from a pile near the door. At first it seemed like any other restaurant coloring and comic book provided to placate restless children, but as we read on, we realized that it was more than that... much more.
There's a club you can join, jokes and drawings from club members, messages written in secret code, and a pen pal club. It's almost like Highlights, except any kid can pick up a copy of Highlights and get the jokes without the use of a secret code cipher.
Page one of the comic book features letters from children which
are supposedly answered by the mythical Big Boy and his assistant
Dolly (he's a busy boy, after all,
mowing
the lawn, making burgers... hey, wash your hands before you give
me that, will ya?) The letters are written by friendly children who
have no idea that they are writing to a huge corporation, telling
"Big Boy" about their lives and how they would like to have pen pals.
Some of them contain odd passages in code, like "A OG OGODVO. A OG
WHAPADL PE UEI PE." Many of the responses (most actually signed "Big
Boy") completely ignore what the children have written and berate
them for not having their parents sign the letter (this is required
for your name to be included in the pen pal list). An Example:
...Hi Pal, how are you doing? I would like very much for you to please send me a copy of your latest comic book, or at least a copy of your pen pal list. Our neighborhood Big Boy restaurant closed over two months ago, so I have trouble getting my favorite comic book. I'm asking for the comic book so that, if my name appears, I'll have it for a treasured souvenir. I would appreciate it so very much. Hope to hear from you soon!
Your Pal,
Akira TerrySince we can't send you the book (it goes from the printer directly to the restaurants), do what a lot of eager readers do: ask all older cousins, aunts and uncles to stop in at any Big Boy restaurant they come across, and pick up the latest issue of the comic for you!
Dolly
There's a "Club Page" with jokes and cartoons from the members of
the club (better run out to Big Boy with your folks to get a copy of
the one you're in), with the punch lines in secret "Big Boy Code."
Later, there's a full page ad for the Big Boy Club, which is free and
only for kids under the age of 13. It has a headline written in
secret code, that through many hours of careful decoding, proved to
read "Big Boy is your Friend." Some friend! Won't even send you a
copy of his free comic book!
The comics with Big Boy as the main character are a goldmine for voice balloons with the phrase "Big Boy" in them. In one entitled "Nugget is the Hero!", Big Boy and his dog Nugget go up in the space shuttle for no apparent reason. Don't just think that this is lackluster writing because it's made for kids either, because in the most unforeseeable twist in the history of literature, Big Boy's dog ends up saving the shuttle and all the astronauts.
On the surface, this appears to be a great way to keep your precocious toddlers entertained with a bit of fun, but beyond that it's a marketing scheme geared towards getting kids to drag their parents to the restaurant because, what parent wouldn't want their kid to see her or his name in print? And what of the evil aspects of Big Boy? Not only a long time advocate of red meat consumption, Big Boy bears a striking resemblance to both Ronald Reagan AND Rush Limbaugh. He wears red suspenders, long known as a symbol of Nazi Skinheads. Is this jovial foodservice icon actually a mouthpiece for the radical right? Are the children of America and Canada his primary targets? Beware the dark children of the Big Boy!!! BEWARE!!!!
